Well, I finished one thing this weekend:




My mother's Christmas present is now ready.

I thought about a bunch of stuff yesterday afternoon - took the whole afternoon off (save for making a double batch of chili for the campus environmental club's chili cook-off - I do not expect I will win as my chili is very plain and rather bland, but only two other people signed up, and it's not much of a cook-off with only one or two entrants). I think one thing I need to do is pull back from some of the stuff I am doing. Too much multitasking makes Erica something something*, and that something something is crazy. I also want to get rid of some of the more "thankless" tasks I do.

It hit me yesterday after church: as I was cleaning up after communion, I had one person telling me "have you spoken to the children about how they behave in church? one little boy was fidgeting and it was very distracting" and another saying "Did you know that Thursday morning this one door was unlocked [implying that we forgot to lock it after youth group; all I can say is I was not the last to leave the building, choir was still rehearsing. Except I do have a fear - maybe unfounded - that there are kids who are not part of the Youth Group who sneak in when doors are open and use the place as a hangout. I've seen no evidence but I guess this week I will have to stay after everyone else has left and patrol. Sigh]" And I thought: Yeah, here I am doing something no one else is willing to do, and I have two people telling me how I could do my other jobs better, yet neither one is actually seeing me, because if they were, they'd say "Can I help you with that?"

One thing I am going to do? This afternoon, in Thankless Meeting, I am going to tell the committee that they need to think about picking a new chair this spring. I've even come up with an adequate excuse so they cannot try to guilt me back into doing it: all the things I am doing, all the stress of juggling so many different balls (chainsaws?) is starting to affect my health. (Well, I don't know for SURE, but it could be: I have off-and-on stomach issues that get worse when I have too many things going on, and what tiny PMS I once had has blossomed into a full week of anxiety and jitteriness and insomnia and heart palpitations). And I am going to do the same thing this spring in AAUW: I will not be president for a third term.

I can't cut back on the youth activities; I am literally one of two people who can do it (the other is my co-worker). And if we drop that, we lose a big outreach to the community. As much as I feel like I'm an unpaid babysitter for two hours a week, I do feel like it's doing maybe some small amount of good in someone's life. And I don't really want to cut back, but I'd love to hear something OTHER than how they scuff up the floor with their shoes or how some of them are a little loud in the halls. (I remind myself that many of the people making comments were last around children that age some 30 years ago). But still. I need to cut back somewhere.

As one of my friends tells me repeatedly, I need to be better about setting boundaries and making myself a priority in my life. I won't be any good at anything if I make myself sick by trying to do to much. And anyone who pulls that old "But you don't have a husband and children to take care of" excuse will get a double barreled GothStare (now that I've learned how, after that Hallowe'en party) and a dismissive "you don't understand, do you" shake of the head. Because: why the **** should I have to do everything that no one else wants to do, just because I'm single? That is Not Right. I am perfectly content to pull my weight, but I think I've been pulling about one and one-half times my weight recently.

I don't want it to go until I develop an ulcer or fullblown asthma or some other kind of horrible disease that stress contributes to before I can back off a little.

(*very strained and obscure Simpsons reference there)