why I don't submit stuff for judging

there's been talk on the knitlist about county fairs, state fairs, and "county fairs" (for-profit enterprises). A couple people have said they don't want to submit stuff because they don't feel the need to be judged on their knitting. I heartily agree- it's one's choice. (others expressed concern about security, whether the items would be kept clean, etc.)

well, someone posted this morning exhorting everyone to submit, and implying we were wimps if we did not. The poster remarked that "feedback from someone who doesn't know you is ALWAYS good"

um, no. I beg to differ. I remember a poster-session I was at where a crew of high-school students was shepherded through. Obviously for them it was a day off, a shot at free donuts and coffee, and a chance to goof with their friends. The problem was, their mean teacher made them evaluate the posters. So guess what? They chose mine because of the pretty pictures on it.

they savaged it. It wasn't until I found out that the high school students had been required to fill out evaluations (and that they had done this to everyone they filled out evaluations for) that I could figure out why I had 2 very good, glowing evaluations and 8 evaluations that said "it sucks" (sometimes in that exact language, sometimes with worse spelling). They were also (I found out later) rude to the organizers of the event, rude to their faces.

it hurt, you know? It hurt, even though I knew not to "take it personally." I'm not saying professional judges would do that, but you know - I've gotten reviews of papers back where two of the three reviewers were very positive, and the third just did not get it - and the editor writes in his or her letter "don't be too concerned about what reviewer #3 said."

yes, sometimes "judges are jerks." I prefer not dealing with jerks when I can avoid it. Also, judges, like everyone else, sometimes have agendas. Or there's junk going on under the surface that I simply do not understand, either because I've not been in the situation long enough, or because my misplaced belief in the basic goodness of human nature prevents me from seeing a human snake for what they are some times.

Sometimes not having to deal with the whole human-politics thing is a giant relief, which is also partly why I do a lot of the knitting for myself and don't necessarily show what I make to other people.

I get judged on my teaching. I get judged on my research (both of these with written evaluations). I get judged, in terms of how people react to me and what gets back to me through the gossip mill, on what I say in meetings, what I do committee-wise at church and elsewhere. I get judged on the fact that I'm not married, over 30, an academic...

with my knitting and my quilting, it's one thing I don't necessarily have to worry about (although even then - I brought a quilt in for a group to quilt for me and one woman exclaimed "oh....that's different" when she saw the design. Ok, fine, you don't like it, whatever.)

Perhaps the problem is I tend to value other people's opinions too much. I'm not good at discounting what someone says. (I offered to resign as head of a committee after someone commented about how long it was taking us to get stuff done. The person I went to to resign, discouraged me, and said "consider the source of the criticism." well, yeah, but still...I don't like people thinking I'm inefficient or something)

I don't know. I guess it's that I need one thing in my life that is "totally mine" in the sense that I cannot be pressured to change it by other people's advice (solicited or not) or judgements. Because you know, when someone makes a negative comment on something I've done, even if I know intellectually that I should dismiss most or all of what they've said, it still implants that little doubt - that canker in the rose - and I enjoy whatever it is less than I would have otherwise, because I'm second-guessing myself.

Which is why I don't feel moved to enter one of my quilts in the local quilt show (even though it's not juried) or to seek out a venue for my knitting to be shown. For me, the joy of knitting is in the doing of it, and to a lesser extent in the finished product, and not in what I could win with it.