I apologize for this morning's outburst. It's just, I wish it weren't such an all-or-nothing process, so heaven-or-hell, so you-have-job-security-forever-unless-you-commit-a-felony or take-a-hike,here's-a-recommendation-for-what-it's-worth.

Part of the problem is I'm not so good at the 'damn I'm good' attitude that so many people have.

My father has counseled me to carry a small notebook and every time I am reminded of something that would count towards tenure, I need to write it down then, so I don't forget about it in the stress of preparing the actual packet.

I (re)wrote most of a paper today. No, not one I've submitted anywhere yet, but I didn't like the introduction any more after reading some of the background research. I meet with someone more expert in the area tomorrow to get some more input.

And I had a paper come out this spring. And I should have one come out (if the printer is on time) this fall. And I have another I will be submitting soon. And my name is on on that's going to be resubmitted very soon.

I'm afraid you're going to have to hear about this a lot more until I actually get tenure. Provided I do.

A little knitting content; I knit some on the sweater while proctoring exams (when I got to burnt out on working on the rewrite while proctoring exams). I'm almost done with the central front motif.

"My" green milkweeds (well, the ones I'm counting on for seed for my research) are already blooming. And I think I found a couple clumps of butterfly milkweed. I'll know for sure once it blooms. And I may have found scattered individuals of some other species (clasping milkweed, maybe? I can only hope - that's one I need). I need to go out to the site at least weekly from now on. Luckily some times I can combine it with prepping labs for the ecology class I teach this summer. I did feel better when I was out there - I was getting something done towards research, and I was finally getting to something that had hung over my head for a couple weeks (revisiting the site) but I had been too busy to manage.

Other than that, I sat through a long and somewhat heated meeting, I baked 3 batches of brownies for a children's supper at church (I'm sorry but: the way the kids wolf the things down without even tasting them, I allow myself to use a mix. Also I think it's cheaper in the long run). I graded 17 exams - all my grading is essentially done now.