Tuesday evening stuff

 *Watching network tv (Will Trent, which I want to like but is sometimes a bit sad or violent for my tastes) so I can hopefully see if my university closes for tomorrow. It is VERY cold for here (it will be down below 15 F tomorrow morning) and every other institution of higher learning has cancelled. We have a lot of commuter students, and I suspect that when I drag myself over there tomorrow and pick my way through icy parking lots, I won't have many students. 

Hopefully they cancel. They did send everyone home at 1 pm today, which meant that my 11 to 1 lab cancelled, because this is a class with several sections and two others were after the "everyone go home" time, and my TA and I decided that rather than get everyone off schedule (especially bad given how challenging lab set up is - having to set up two different labs in a single week), we'd cancel. Then the lab coordinator contacted us and told us to cancel

* This was actually good because I had another challenge today - when I went to drive over to school my car would not start. It groaned and clicked and all the dashboard warnings lit up and the headlights flashed. And yes, I had the battery replaced less than a month ago. It was one from the "store room" and the guy said at the time "well, it looks like something spilled on it and damaged the sticker but I'm sure it's fine" and DANGER WILL ROBINSON. It was the only one they had in stock (or so they said) so I accepted it, but I admit I briefly thought "I might regret this"

Anyway, cascade of issues. Called the shop, just to see if they would say "oh man, we'll send someone out to drive you" but literally they told me "Can you take the battery out and bring it in so we can check it?"

 OH YES, let me get my second car, which I don't have, and then drag my nearly fifty-six year old self into the tight part of my garage on my bad knee and try to remove a car battery, which I have never done, by myself. 

So I rang off and tried calling a colleague who is writing a book - I always see his car in early. Didn't get him, so texted someone from church, got no reply. Called the shop again, and as I was trying to talk to them my colleague called back to verify my address and say he was on his way. 

I think he was the one who said, when I explained "Oooooh, that sounds like a bad alternator" which made me anxious because (a) expensive and (b) slightly older car so it might be a few days before it's fixed, and that's just....I can't do that right now.

Got over to school, taught (not well because I was Anxious). 

At least the shop had told me this time to call them later and they might send a guy out to look at it, since I couldn't start it. 

Called the church secretary - she and I were to meet as, in the absence of a permanent minister at the moment, it's on us to plan the Ash Wednesday service. I asked for a ride and explained. So at least my ride to church (and then back to my house, which is only a few blocks from church) were sorted.

Then I found out about the cancellation, called her back and asked if an earlier meeting was better. It was. So we got the meeting done and I got home and I called the mechanic again: "Yeah when a guy has a minute he'll call you and then come out"

okay, fine. the check is in the mail. It was about noon then, so I decided to think about fixing lunch (I had carried home my packed lunch and just stuck it in the fridge in case I need it tomorrow). I was just going out to the kitchen when I saw a minivan pull up

Yeah, it was him. One of the younger guys out there, maybe the newbies get sent out for this kind of thing. I told him I was afraid it was the alternator and he said "Well, let's check."  He had one of those charger boxes, so I opened the garage and he crawled back there and got the hood open and hooked it up. "Now, you get in," he said "and turn everything you can off first - the automatic headlights, the heating, the radio - and try starting it"

 So I did. It started up fine.  "Oh, that's what I thought, your alternator is fine" (The battery box had a sensor that told how many amps). So he had me follow him out to the shop, and I waited a bit (there were people waiting before me, and understandably, they needed to be helped first) but eventually they got to me.

The guy who had helped me - there was even a younger tech doing the replacement - came in, kind of laughing "Yeah," he said "that was a bad battery. Normally when we test them it can take a couple hours to drain them but this one was dead in ten minutes"

So my car was fine again (or so I hope) and all I paid was the $3 disposal fee (he said that was the one thing he couldn't waive). 

So I got back home and mostly faffed around, waiting to see if campus closed for tomorrow. When I got the mail, the mailbox was already icy, and the metal porch railing was icy.

*and they JUST called it, campus closed tomorrow. So I need not set an alarm and I guess my bringing home some stuff I can read on was wise. They're not suggesting "virtual" learning so I'm not gonna set up a Zoom meeting for the class but will check my e-mail. I already told my ecology class that if we were closed we'd do today's lab next week, and that the lab due tomorrow would be do Monday (I have a meeting Friday and can't hold class). 

So that's a relief. 

* I've been working away on the ombre/gradient yarn socks (The Gusto socks) but they're not at a very photogenic point right now. Maybe I can get some done on it tomorrow, or figure out a way to set up to read and knit on the huge garter stitch blanket I've been working on since 2022.

needed to hear

 One of the Lectionary readings for Sunday was Psalm 1. 

It struck me that the interim chose that; you don't often see someone in a Disciples church preach on a Psalm. The main theme of the sermon was about God's love and how humans put limits on it that God does not put.

But I'm still thinking about the Psalm:

1 Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers,

2 but whose delight is in the law of the LORD, and who meditates on his law day and night.

3 That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither— whatever they do prospers.

4 Not so the wicked! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.

5 Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.

6 For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked leads to destruction. 

 

(New International Version)

 

One of the thing I've struggled with these past few years is just this - that the mockers seem to have won, that those who do wrong prosper, and that on this side of the soil, at least, it seems like trying to be "righteous" only gets you more pain and disrespect.

 

That line about "trees planted by streams of water, " though. 

Yes, I do try, at my best, to "stay in my lane" and "keep on keepin' on" and try to do my thing without worrying too much about the haters. But it gets harder and harder, I think part of it right now is the feeling of being isolated again (the construction) and it reminds me of 2020. And I don't get a whole lot of "Attagirls" for what I do, and while I should not expect them, still.....it goes a long way to keeping a person moving forward.

 

And yes, I know, you have to wait and be patient and you might not even then see the outcome of what you do.

 

But more and more it does feel like the haters have won, and the nasty people who push ahead of you, or belittle others, or take what they want without asking.

 

And yeah, I admit, the darker side of my mind thinks of another quotation, one Terry Pratchett put in the mouth of his personification of Death (who speaks in ALL CAPS): 

"YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

"They're not the same at all!"

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED..."

 

And yes, on the darker days, I wonder about that: IS there actually justice or mercy in this universe, or is what the Psalms say all pretty pictures to keep us going through a cold and empty and unjust universe? 

I don't know. I want to operate as thought Psalm 1 is correct, that those who do evil to others will eventually be scattered like chaff, and those who at least TRY to do right will prosper. But some days it's hard to hang on to that. 

I admit I don't like what Death is saying in the Pratchett book; if that's true you might as well just lie down and give up because it's all futile. 

I don't know. Maybe I'll figure it out in the end. Or maybe at the end I'll not know, or even come to realize that you can grind up the universe and sieve it and there's nothing there but badness. But I can't do otherwise than continue to act as if goodness and kindness actually matter, because what else do we have?

Printers: the worst

 

So I got home late-ish again today (like: 5:30). I had wanted to finish grading my student papers so it took me all afternoon*

 

(*well, not ALL. I had a couple people ask for extensions and I know in most cases they are in classes that also had big projects/exams so I gave them until Monday. And one student e-mailed me to ask because her cat died last afternoon and she said she hadn't had the heart to do the revisions on it, and yeah, I get it. I was momentarily afraid I might be being played - though for this student that seemed unlikely - but I said yes, that she could have an extension. I made the right call there; she got into class a bit early and came up and tearfully thanked me for letting her have the extension, and then half-wailed "she was my BABY" and yeah, I get it. I said a few consoling words to her - I know it sucks to lose a pet and have to keep going. So I feel like I did a decent thing there). 

So anyway, I got home and ate and thought about doing the piano practice I slacked on this morning (I'm not taking lessons so it's not like I won't be ready, this is just for me) but then I remembered I had bought a cowl pattern and wanted to print it out because I have the right yarn for it and hey, I have a printer now.

But.....yeah. I guess if you go a little while without printing (like a week or two) the printer goes into a sulk and goes offline. 

And it had done that today.

Okay, fine. Last time I remember I just unplugged and replugged it and it eventually was OK. So I tried that. But then it would. not. reconnect. to. the. wifi. I don't know. I tried everything I knew

And here's my Geriatric Gen Xer complaint about printers: I remember when you got a genuine instruction booklet with troubleshooting instructions and everything. Now you get a tiny pamphlet telling you to use their app on your phone or computer. 

Except - and my other complaint - printer companies are now rackets to sell you ink, paper, and NEW PRINTERS (yes, one of the options was "you can buy a new printer for $6.99 a month"). It was very hard to find any actual help.

In the middle of this, I called my mom - we often talk on Friday nights and she expects the call around 7 and will worry if I don't call. So I was half trying to talk to her and half trying to troubleshoot through the arcane instructions on the app. At one point, I had totally uninstalled the printer, and after that I gave up. 

I do have it registered with HP and was wondering if I could demand a refund and go buy some other brand. The printer is less than six months old. 

But I kept fussing with it, even after hanging up with my mom, and finally I guess I reinstalled the drivers and then it got back to working 

 (Also along the way it was claiming that the ink cartridges were old, so I installed the new ones - I don't think the old ones were fully used up, though maybe the multicolor one was - and it acted like one of them was "dirty" ) 

FINALLY I got it sorted, and finally printed the cowl pattern.....at 8 pm.

Okay, piano practice isn't happening, I was still low level upset over fussing with the printer and I was tired. I've got to get back into a better schedule for doing it, though. Evening meetings and meeting with job candidates has eaten up so much of my time lately, and having to truck across campus to teach adds like an extra 20 minutes to half-hour to my day.

One other thing I sorted, though - my mom wanted to know what I wanted for my birthday and I suggested a Lykke "Pendel" yarn holder. Quixotic Fibers has them, so I passed their phone number on to my mom and she's going to see if she can order one for me. (The owner is very nice, so if my mom gets her, she'll help her over the phone, also she knows me.)

But it's been a tiring week, and the printer fiasco didn't help. 

Leaning into comfort

 Just another long week with confusing and frustrating news. I also had a vivid memory today of how my junior high and high school used to do carnation sales for charity for valentine's day and literally every year I was in those two schools no one ever sent me one (the tradition was boys sent them to girls; no boys liked me) and that made me sad again, both that it happened and also that it bugs me still all these years later. Valentine's day really is a pretty unfair holiday in its modern incarnation. 

And Monday is a federal holiday, but I don't get the day off, but there will be no mail/trash pick up/banks open so that loads a tiny bit more of cognitive labor on me to remember to take care of any of those things on another day.

So I am looking for sources of comfort, no matter how silly:

 * Re-runs of Bluey. I've seen all the episodes multiple times (I'm not sure they're even going to make new ones; I know they said the voice actresses for the kids have grown up to the point they don't do "childlike" voices any more). But it's a good show.. The characters in it are kind, and there often reminders of the simple values (don't lie, share, comfort those who are sad) that I learned as a child and that now....when I look at the world I wonder if those have just been suspended now. It's also frequently quite funny in a gentle way. (And it can make me cry; there are several episodes that do that)

* On my Pandora stream in my office - mostly baroque but it's lately added in some choral music, mostly hymns - it occasionally plays a Christmas piece out of season. (The algorithm doesn't know). In the past I'd hit "skip" but now, you know? When something like Dormi Jesu comes on, I let it play. It makes me feel good. It reminds me of the happy Christmases of the past, and of that time leading up to the holiday when there's more that seems special and nice and good in the world. 

* Good books. I finally finished "Double Negative" and while it ended better than it might have, it's not a book I have any desire to keep or re-read so I'll either donate it somewhere (sadly, we don't have Little Free Libraries (^1) so I'll have to either donate it to the library for their book sale or see if - if I ever get down there-  the used book shop in Sherman would give me a buck or two in trade for it.

 (1. We have Blessing Boxes instead. Because we're a lower SES area. Blessing Boxes are places where people with a little more money leave non perishable food for the folks in absolute dire straits - people who have even fallen through the cracks of food bank coverage.. I know where three are in my town; I've helped fill the one at the campus Wesley Center)

Anyway: I started Terry Pratchett's "Equal Rites" (the first of the Witches series) last night. And I had forgotten how much I needed good STORIES. Stories that were fleshed out and had amusing characters and interesting settings. I'm only about 20 pages in but it's good so far.

*  The new air freshener in my car. I normally don't use these but a friend sent me a Cococoro Coronya (a San-X franchise - cute cats that run a bakery) one with a rose scent and it's....really nice? I put it in my car and it does make the car smell nice. 

* My various stuffed animals. Yes, I have a lot. Yes, they are scattered everywhere (my bed, my sofa, Princess the Alicorn lives next to my recliner so I can hold her on my lap when I knit). But they do help; most nights I sleep with one of them squished up to my chest. 

* I've ordered more yarn. I don't know, I think my "but I might not be able to get it in the future!" is being triggered by all the talk of tariffs and retribution by various countries. And also I heard that the JoAnn's nearest me is one of the ones shutting down and I don't even know where one that remains open will be (Maybe McKinney, but I don't like driving there any more, the traffic is incredibly awful and the drivers are so aggressive). I mean, there IS still a Michael's but they are a SMALL Michael's and don't have a huge yarn selection. So I feel like I'm becoming a crafts survivalist. (I really need to go through and sort my stash and remember what all I have. Should do the same with some of the books I have boxed up)

the new sweater

 Other than this, it was a busy day - gave an exam (which is where I almost doubled the size of the ribbing on it), taught a lab under difficult conditions, did a bunch of prep for next week, graded the exams, and then had an evening meeting in the church with broken heat. (I'm still cold and I hurt from having been cold so much of the day).

But the ribbing on the new sweater is shaping up

 

I think I have a bit less than an inch to go before changing to the stockinette and cabled part for the body. You knit it in the round like this up to the armholes, and then divide and knit the top parts of the front and back back and forth. 

I also realized what bugs me a bit about "Double Negative," and it's the same thing that bugged me about "Office Space" - none of the characters seem to have inner lives. No one seems to have a hobby (other than, I guess, drinking or "conquests" by the single men), no one seems to read for pleasure. It's just all very surface and I think that's why I find the characters unsympathetic. 

I think next I'm going to start the Granny Weatherwax arc of the Pratchett novels; I have a copy of Equal Rites, which I think is the first, and also Wyrd Sisters. I think I need something kind of funny and "human" to read during these times.

Monday evening things

 * CWF was cancelled tonight. The heat apparently went out at church. This is not good considering the expense of fixing it (and we HAVE to, it's cold now and the Mother's Day Out program needs reliable heat just like we need it on Sundays).

But I admit as I was dragging home, kind of tired and sore from the day, I had wished that maybe I didn't "have" to go and was actually contemplating calling someone and telling them I wouldn't make it. It was cold and very wet today, and trucking across campus I got chilled, and I stayed chilled all afternoon during my lab. 

* So I spent the evening at home. I have pulled out the big corner to corner blanket again and while I'm really not CLOSE to done with it, it feels closer, because the rows are shorter and I decrease at the start of every row. I am hoping the color changes soon; it is less interesting to work on a thing where there's really no change as you go.

*I also set out the bag with the yellow vest (which is just barely started) in it, so I don't forget it tomorrow for the exam I invigilate. 

* I'm almost done with "Double Negative," a mystery novel by an author I'd never heard of (likely the only one he wrote). At this point it's almost a hate-read for me: none of the characters are ones I find sympathetic, the descriptions of university-department interactions are pretty unlike what I know (it feels very 1970s, and while it's an older book, I don't think it goes back that far). There's also only one real female character and she's basically there for sex, so....but I am going to finish it at this point, then it'll go on the "donate or turn in for credit at the used book store" pile. 

The linguistics hook started out interesting but it's now mostly ugly interpersonal politics and I feel like there's too much of that in the world. 

* And a thing I ordered (an early birthday present) came today. This is a "leaf sheep" nudibranch (not an actual sheep, a type of gastropod).

They're interesting because they look weird but also they have the odd habit of something called "kleptoplasty," which means they take ("steal," that's what the klepto part means) the chloroplasts from the algae they eat and store them in their "leaves" (part of the integument) and they can use the photosynthesis of the chloroplasts as an energy source along with the food they eat.

The plushie is way bigger than a real sea slug (they are a few millimeters long) and it's a lot bigger than I thought it was going to be when I ordered it - it's about a foot long and maybe about 8" tall). It's very soft, one of those sort of velour fabrics.

I have not named it yet; I'm leaning towards "Flora" since the "leaves" look a bit like petals and I don't have  a critter named Flora yet

 

 

and another poem

 busy night, I am trying to finish some grading before bed. 

But here's a poem. It was linked in Metafilter. It made me cry, but in the good way. It was written (apparently) shortly after Sept. 11, 2001, but I think it still also applies today, the idea that there are little moments of good and camaraderie and comfort in the world.

 I linked it on Bluesky and said something like "Be kind and help out when you can, it may come back to you in surprising and lovely ways" and I stand by that. And I admit: as the world seems to be getting meaner and cruder and crueler and more bent on dividing us, moments like this need to be treasured

Link is here: Gate A-4 by Naomi Shihab Nye 

And I think it's OK for me to copy and paste it:

Gate A-4

Naomi Shihab Nye

1952 –

Wandering around the Albuquerque Airport Terminal, after learning
my flight had been delayed four hours, I heard an announcement:
"If anyone in the vicinity of Gate A-4 understands any Arabic, please
come to the gate immediately."

Well—one pauses these days. Gate A-4 was my own gate. I went there.

An older woman in full traditional Palestinian embroidered dress, just
like my grandma wore, was crumpled to the floor, wailing. "Help,"
said the flight agent. "Talk to her. What is her problem? We
told her the flight was going to be late and she did this."

I stooped to put my arm around the woman and spoke haltingly.
"Shu-dow-a, Shu-bid-uck Habibti? Stani schway, Min fadlick, Shu-bit-
se-wee?" The minute she heard any words she knew, however poorly
used, she stopped crying. She thought the flight had been cancelled
entirely. She needed to be in El Paso for major medical treatment the
next day. I said, "No, we're fine, you'll get there, just later, who is
picking you up? Let's call him."

We called her son, I spoke with him in English. I told him I would
stay with his mother till we got on the plane and ride next to
her. She talked to him. Then we called her other sons just
for the fun of it. Then we called my dad and he and she spoke for a while
in Arabic and found out of course they had ten shared friends. Then I
thought just for the heck of it why not call some Palestinian poets I know
and let them chat with her? This all took up two hours.

She was laughing a lot by then. Telling of her life, patting my knee,
answering questions. She had pulled a sack of homemade mamool
cookies—little powdered sugar crumbly mounds stuffed with dates and
nuts—from her bag—and was offering them to all the women at the gate.
To my amazement, not a single woman declined one. It was like a
sacrament. The traveler from Argentina, the mom from California, the
lovely woman from Laredo—we were all covered with the same powdered
sugar. And smiling. There is no better cookie.

And then the airline broke out free apple juice from huge coolers and two
little girls from our flight ran around serving it and they
were covered with powdered sugar, too. And I noticed my new best friend—
by now we were holding hands—had a potted plant poking out of her bag,
some medicinal thing, with green furry leaves. Such an old country tradi-
tion. Always carry a plant. Always stay rooted to somewhere.

And I looked around that gate of late and weary ones and I thought, This
is the world I want to live in. The shared world. Not a single person in that
gate—once the crying of confusion stopped—seemed apprehensive about
any other person. They took the cookies. I wanted to hug all those other women, too.

This can still happen anywhere. Not everything is lost.

Naomi Shihab Nye, "Gate A-4" from Honeybee. Copyright © 2008 by Naomi Shihab Nye. Reprinted with permission.

 

 

I may well add "Honeybee" to my Bookshop wishlist, if it's still in print... 

ETA: it is, and it was less than $10, so I decided to just order it

The painting thing

 My AAUW group did one of those "painting class evening" things. This wasn't as goofy and fancy as some - I guess at some they feed you and have wine but this place doesn't do that. 

I admit I was slightly nervous - I am really NOT artistic, despite the fact that I knit and sew (I see those as more technical things, given that I tend to follow patterns). And my previous forays into trying drawing were unsuccessful. 

But okay, I decided to play along. Everyone gets a canvas (the fee for the evening is $35 to cover the supplies and the teacher) and acrylic paints in some basic colors (brown, yellow, cobalt blue, white, red) and you mix what you need from those. 

The instructor basically went step by step. The first part - the sky and landscape background went well. I was actually pretty proud of my sky - I went with more pink and none of the orange/red that the people doing sunsets were doing. (I figure mine is a later evening, or maybe a very early morning). 

Then we put in some blue and green stippling to mimic flowers and vegetation. That was where I started to get nervous because mine looked different (brighter colors; I did not mix brown into mine like she did) than the instructor was using and I made a comment (I don't think anyone heard) that "I went too Fauvist."

So I was already kind of up in my head when it was time to paint the main bluebonnet and then I couldn't make it look right to me. (It doesn't help that I am a botanist and wanted it to be technically correct [the best kind of correct] and I couldn't make my hands do what my brain was saying they needed to do)

Some of the other people did really well, too. A couple people went more impressionistic than I did.

I dunno. I did sign it, because if nothing else someday my heirs will then know I did it and didn't get suckered into buying it. 

I guess it's not....terrible. I doubt I will frame it unless I happen to find the right sized one really cheap at a yard sale, but I guess I'll put it up if I can find a place.

 

 

Another weekend thing

 Last Saturday, after getting off the Zoom knitting group, I felt kind of restless. So I decided to drive out to a town about 15 minutes east, which has a small antique/gift shop that can be fun to visit. 

I checked their FB page just to ascertain they were open, and saw they were but they were also hosting a flea market. I almost did not go, given that that means crowding and difficulty parking and maybe unpleasant people. But I went anyway, figuring "well, if there's no parking, I'll just turn around and go home, at least I get a drive to blow some of the stink off"

But I persisted, and did find a spot. The flea market was outside, and at first glimpse I was unimpressed (old John Grisham and similar paperbacks, old VHS tapes....) and then I saw a plastic tub of colorful things and nylon dolly hair. I sauntered over to look

Holy cats, Gen 1 My Little Ponies. Some of the more uncommon ones (the first one I spotted was a "friend," Cutiesaurus - yes, a dinosaur). They were marked $2 a piece.

Some of them had been painted. I ignored those, I figured I could deal with messed up hair and surface dirt and stains that were small; I didn't want to have to do a full renovation.

I wound up picking out four and paid the man.

Nightglider, Yum Yum (both from the "twice as fancy" line, one of my favorites), and then the two "friends of" - Cutiesaurus and Creamsickle (a giraffe). I think Creamsickle is in the best condition, she may just need a wash and her hair set. 

Unfortunately Nightglider's had her bangs trimmed, and I'm not capable of re-rooting so I'll just have to arrange her hair to hide the damage. The others have a few minor stains and like I said, they're filthy. (An insect - not a bedbug, I checked - crawled out of Yum Yum's mane). 

I was tired and didn't want to take them in the house (because what if there WERE bedbugs hiding in one?) so I tied them up in a bag and they're hanging on a hook in the garage until I have some time to treat them and wash them.

I think my first step will be to take either a box or a plastic tub that I can seal up, and saturate a paper towel with a "more environment friendly insecticide" I have ("safe for indoor use") and set it in there, and then put the Ponies in NOT TOUCHING IT and let the fumes do their work. 

And then after 24 hours or so, air them out, and then wash them. Maybe wait for a warm day and do it in a dishpan (I can get one just for this kind of thing) in the backyard. And then set their hair and tails (Yum Yum and Creamsickle have their tails braided, so that will make it easier, they'll be less frizzy).

And then use a magic eraser or something to see if I can reduce the small stains. They'll never be PERFECT but some of these are very expensive when "mint" condition, but now I have a representative for my collection.

I just have to find time to take care of  them; sometimes now it's hard to find time for self-care myself.

bad pain day

 hopefully this is just stress*

My teeth and jaw are hurting again. I suspect it's NOT bad teeth as it's at least five teeth, on both top and bottom, on one side. They are mostly sensitive to cold liquids. I can chew on them - I ate a bunch of "Goldfish crisps" which are like a hybrid of a pringle and a goldfish cracker and the cheddar ones are really pretty good without pain. 

And I can feel pain up in my jaw joint, so probably something like tmj. And I've been getting cramps in my neck, on the side where YEARS ago (like: 50 now, it was in a childhood swim class) I injured a muscle badly because it was a cold day and got a massive cramp in my neck and I just remember having to lie on the sofa for the rest of the day with a hot water bottle on my neck. 

My knee is also bothering me tonight and it was worse again today. I've got heat on it but I don't like how it feels. I didn't do anything unusual. We did have a surprise cold front come through; it was about 10-15 degrees colder than the predictions, so I was cold all day long after dressing for what I THOUGHT was going to be the weather.

(*you don't need to ask about what, I think, but also the fact that I'm teaching in three different buildings and having to schlep between them, and I have to make sure I have everything I need for every class, sometimes before I leave my building the afternoon before. And we had an intro lab fail because it turns out one of last semester's classes contaminated an indicator we needed and there's no way to make more of it, especially not on the short notice we had, and the custodians who were filling in for their ill colleague found out that he never retrieved many of the necessary supplies that are now in the closed-off part of the building and their supervisor told them under no circumstances were they allowed to go get them and I tried to track down another office that might be able to talk with the construction folks and arrange for a handoff, but I failed in that too, so it was just a Day of Fail and that makes it all worse)

But anyway. Everything is just frustrating and kind of sad, I've only knit a little bit on the Moon Moth sweater tonight, and it just feels like everything is harder and less-rewarding than it should be.

I wish they could have done the construction last summer, that would have been so much easier on us. But like a lot of things now, no one cares about others' discomfort.

Started something new

 I give my first exams of the semester later this week, and I decided I needed something easily portable to work on (Yes, the Moon Moth pullover is still in progress, but I'm not very many rounds from starting the colorwork, and that requires more concentration than invigilating allows)

So I thought about what I wanted to start as a next sweater. I had some Lion Brand "Respun," which is a recycled (post consumer waste) polyester yarn - so basically soda bottles. It's not the softest yarn ever, but it doesn't feel horrible; it reminds me a bit of the scratchier wools but not in an unpleasant way.

I had been wanting to make the "British School Slipover" from Folk Vests for a while, and I had enough of the yarn for that (it was kind of an impulse purchase). It's a golden yellow color they call "sunshine"

So I spent some time yesterday casting on. And found that the Knitters Pride "Dreamz" wooden needle just.... snapped....when I picked it back up after casting on. This was a size 4, so not tiny. And I didn't manhandle it, I was actually surprised when the wood split

I think wood is a bad material for needles; most of mine are bamboo and that seems sturdier - I think I've broken the small bamboo sock needles but that was by stepping on them or getting them caught in something and not realizing the strain that was on them.

I was able to move the stitches to a size 5 (it doesn't matter too much as it's the ribbing; when I swatched for the body a size 6 was the right size) and get it started, but I'm a little annoyed at that needle breaking.

Also yesterday was Candlemas (also known as Imbolc in other traditions, or St. Brigid's Day, or Groundhog day) and I decided to light a few candles for it

I should do that more often (as allergies permit), having the light there (different from the light from light bulbs) is pleasing and nice, and it is a nice small ritual to have in the evening when I'm home.

Imbolc once again

 Or Candlemas, or St. Brigid's Day, or Groundhog Day

Once again I remember the old, old blog-tradition - which I love, and miss, just as I miss the common "general interest" blogs. Oh, there are still a few, but fewer than there were in the early 00s.

Someone back then started a tradition of sharing a poem on this day. And it seems like a good tradition. And no matter what's happening in the world we need beauty, and we need good words, and if you're like me, you need poetry. 

Anyway, I may come up with a more widely-published one a bit lager, I have to pull one of my poetry books off the shelf and look at it. But I thought of this one, which I shared in October a couple years ago; it's from someone on Tumblr who calls themselves Mumblesplash:

"Hope is a weapon

Hope is a skill

Hope is a plant you can care for or kill 

Hope is a discipline 

Something you choose 

Hard to stop looking for 

Easy to lose

Hope isn’t something to have or to take 

If you can’t find it, it’s something you make 

Make it from willpower 

Make it from spite 

Learn how to weaponize love in a fight 

 Hope is a shield, and a thing to defend 

End in itself, and a means to an end." 

Because yeah; hope is really something I struggle with right now because (gestures at world). It's very easy for me now, especially given 2020's pandemic, to feel like when times are bad, they will ALWAYS be bad, and that's not good for my motivation to do anything - to plan research, to even read up on stuff for research, to knit, to work on the Moominhouse, to play piano, anything, because it feels like "if you could be wiped off the earth tomorrow, what will any of it matter? what will anything matter?" and that's hard. I hope the chaos slows soon, or there's more concentrated resistance, or something.But right now, I may HAVE to keep running on spite or willpower for the time being.

does it help?

 I don't even know. One thing I feel, as I look around at the world - and the news, and prominent people - is that there seems to be an increase in selfishness and even cruelty. And in a lot of cases, it feels like it's almost cruelty for cruelty's sake. (Several commentators have noted the return of "the r-word" (which was originally used to refer to someone with intellectual challenges)). 

Hearing it's coming back is a bit like a smack in the mouth to me. 

I've talked about being a bullied kid. I distinctly remember in relatively-early grade school (like: second grade, so that's what, seven? Seven year old were doing this to each other) being called that word, and someone yelling it behind me in the hall and when I flinched (because they yelled), "Look, it knows its name!"

Yeah, this is why I have trust issues.

Anyway, I look at the increasing meanness and I want to fight back. I mean, I can't literally fight and I'm too much of a pacifist to want to physically fight. But maybe symbolically I can fight back against the rising dark?

One thing that makes me feel good is being "useful" in small ways, or trying to make someone else's day better. 

Today, when my colleague had a bunch of plant specimens borrowed from the greenhouse for her lab (greenhouse is across campus; it's the horticulturalist's domain). So I helped her carry them down to the van to take them back. I didn't have to, but I wanted to. (Well, to be fair - I was also grading and needed a short break).

But I like doing things like that; I feel useful and it does make someone's day better.

I also had a student e-mail me; the short and non-identifiable summary is they had a family member pass away and the funeral is coming up, they apologized for missing class for it. I told them that my policy is that funerals count as excused absences and that they were welcome to come in if any of the material they missed (they have the textbook) was unclear to them. But I did start off by saying I was sorry for their loss. Because it doesn't cost me anything to do that, and maybe it makes the student's day a little less difficult 

But I don't know. I don't know if that helps or fixes anything. A lot of the time it feels like a drop in the ocean, that it's a tiny thing that gets erased by all the worse things. And a lot of times I wonder if I'm a chump or a patsy for trying to be kind; it certainly does seem in our society now if you try to be kind you may get taken advantage of. 

It's so hard. Life seems harder now. It's hard to navigate the world; it's really been hard since COVID. And I don't always know what to do.

A long day

 We had a job candidate in. I raced around to do both classes and listen to their job talk.

Tonight, we went out to a local restaurant for dinner (this is SOP for job candidates, there's a departmental fund that covers the cost of everyone's meal).

We wound up staying pretty late; this was the first time all the professors in my department had been all in the same room in well over a month - we're awfully scattered now with having to teach in different buildings.

So we told a lot of stories. A couple of the newer people heard some of the wild old stories from the "old days" and I shared a couple of my grad school stories (like the time my too-cool-for-school student FREAKED THE FREAK OUT in the field when a stick bug landed on him, and I proceeded to gently lift it off his shoulder, hold it up for the class to see,, and talk a little bit about their ecology before releasing it to a nearby tree). Lots of laughter, which was good: I haven't laughed like that in a long time.

Another weekend thing

 I suspect like some of you, I'm kind of reeling from what I am (politely) calling the Firehose of Excrement - all of the wild EOs coming out, the churn, the wildly unqualified people being floated for high ranking positions and I felt like I needed something to watch that was kind of the equivalent of bubble gum for the brain.

Flipping around, I found that Sundance* was rerunning all the episodes of "Gilligan's Island."

Yeah, that would be silly enough.

(*yes I know they used to show the more arthouse kind of movies, so I guess they're now in the same decline that TLC, Discovery, A&E, and other "once-time intellectual" channels have gone through for like 20 years, but whatever)

I watched a bunch of episodes. It served as pleasant-enough background noise. 

The other thing is, I have vague memories of the show. Yes, it went off the air like a year or two before I was born, I remember watching it in re-runs as a small child (probably on channel 43, the old indie channel out of Cleveland. (The internet tells me the call letters were WUAB. That seems right, even though I don't really remember them).

When I was like 4 or 5, it was my *favorite* show in the whole wide world. I loved Gilligan, I guess I kind of wanted to be Mary Ann,, I just enjoyed the whole thing. I just BARELY remember how much I loved it; I don't even remember any of the plots. 

I think I tried to watch an episode or two some years back; it's possible one of the Detroit area indie channels played it when I was in college. I couldn't watch it; it had what was then one of my most-hated tropes - adults acting like children (ALL of the characters, though Gilligan, who I guess was supposed to be in his 20s, and Mr. Howell, who was probably supposed to be in his 50s or 60s** seemed the worst offenders)

(**I assume that. People in those days aged faster. I read somewhere that "Lovie" was in her early 60s when she was on the show but didn't want people to know she was that old. )

But that didn't bother me this go-round. (And yes, it's not entirely held up; a lot of the "exotic South Sea Natives" stuff is extremely cringy and racist). But fundamentally, that stuff aside? It's actually a pretty good-hearted sitcom and I found myself watching more episodes than I intended. The characters worked oddly well together. Nothing too terrible happens, or if it seems to have happened (Gilligan fearing he's turned into a vampire), they're resolved in 22 minutes or so. 

Honestly though I think that's one of the things about sitcoms and some cartoons - no matter what happens, you know things will be restored in the end, and everyone will be back again, healthy and happy, for next week. And yes, that's very unrealistic for real life, but honestly one of the things that stinks about real life is that there are bad changes: people you love die. Or move away. Or you get injured and wind up disabled. Or couples break up. And so it's kind of restful to see a situation where as the next show begins, there's everyone, just fine and back at baseline. 

And there aren't even really any true antagonists! If anything, it's more a "man against nature" story, though even then, nature is not so very mean, at least once they're on the island. The main "friendship problems" our characters face are just that - "you threw a party and I thought you didn't invite me!" (when in fact, that person was a Special Guest, who gets a special invitation). Or "it's not fair that I always get stuck with that chore on the chore wheel" or there's a misunderstanding and someone has hurt feelings until it's worked out. But none of the problems are terrible! No one is diagnosed with a terminal illness, no one gets involved with some cult (well, for very long), no one leaves (well, they can't!)

And yeah, it's a very unrealistic show. Coconut tech and all. But if you remind yourself it's just a show and you should really just relax, it's kind of fun. I mean, it's a "bottle episode" every week - they're stuck on the island, they'll be there again next week, nothing ever really changes.

perhaps in real life "nothing ever really changes" would be bad, and there are ways it could be done grimdark (now I think of Sartre's "Huis Clos" (No Exit) and realize that THAT is basically a "bottle episode," but it's three souls stuck in Hell. And yes, I'm aware of the "seven deadly sins" interpretation of Gilligan's Island, and also of the variant "six deadly sins and Gilligan is the devil" but my brain tends not to go there) 

It is a funny tendency in "modern" people to want to make things grim and dark. I don't know. I find life grim enough sometimes; I want things light and fluffy and I can watch Gilligan's Island as something purely fluffy - the characters are ridiculous but never malicious to each other, the problems are cleared up easily enough,. And there's coconut cream pie sometimes.

Some weekend things

 *I guess I missed Friday. I wasn't feeling very well; I wound up staying late over at school to work on stuff and I've been having sinus trouble (either that or I have several teeth that are failing; sinus trouble seems far more likely and the teeth are less painful this evening [I can eat again with minimal discomfort])

* I had to take a run out Saturday. For one thing I desperately needed to see something other than the four walls of my living room, but also I needed to replace the hot-mist humidified (my  old one died). So I went to Sherman. 

I went to lunch first, but then to Michael's. I didn't buy a LOT of stuff, but I had bought a pattern for a crocheted kobold (a creature not unlike, but also different from, a dragon) from someone on Etsy named Libbydoodles and none of the yarn for toys that I had seemed right. I wanted a really bright color - either a green or an orange or maybe even a hot pink.

I found this

It's almost obnoxiously orange. It's a lot stronger colored in person - it's like if lava were fluorescent. It will be perfect. 

* I also went to Target (I know, I know, some people are boycotting them for Reasons but when you live where I live, boycotting the few stores around mean you either have to mail order stuff and wait and pay expensive shipping, do without, or shop somewhere that's not any "purer." I admit I have issues with the "boycott everyone" mentality)

I got my humidifier, and some food to have ahead and a set of sheets to replace a worn-out one (I don't REALLY need more sheets, but these were those Pillowfort ones and they had pegasuses on them)

And then I found this

I don't NEED more stuffed animals, but I made the "mistake" of picking her up. She is very soft and is weighted with pellets in the back end, so she feels more like a "real animal" when you hold her. I admit, I broke into a big silly grin right there in the aisle as I hugged her, and said to the two young (late teen or early 20s) women browsing the aisle: "I'm almost 56 but I am buying this for MYSELF." They laughed, but it was not the horrible mocking excluding laugh; rather it was a "yeah we get it" laugh - and one of them did comment that the stuffies on that aisle were "wonderful"

Her name is Princess.

She is very nice to hug when you're distressed. I did have to do a tiny repair; I noticed when standing in the checkout line that there was a TINY hole (probably something that happened in production, like the fabric got snagged) on one side of her shoulders,, but I knew I had thread the right color, so rather than get out of line (the lines were long and moved slowly) and also put this one (which I had ALREADY named Princess) back, I decided to just say nothing and fix the hole at home. Which I did.

I haven't washed the new sheets yet, again, with my sinus issues I haven't felt as energetic about doing things these past couple days. Hopefully things start to get better - my nose has been draining and I think the humidifier helps.

* I'm slowly picking away on the Moon Moth sweater; I'm within a dozen rounds of being able to start the colorwork, which will be more interesting to do

Another crocheted thing

 I forgot I made this over break! I had taken and draped him over the back of the blanket chest in my bedroom and stopped seeing him for a few days.

It's a fairly simple pattern that's probably "made" by the yarn choice - the original pattern called for one of the thinner (roughly dk weight) chenille yarns, but I could not find any I liked, so I bought one of the big thick "blanket" type yarns (a superbulky) and a big crochet hook, and just made a BIG fuzzy snake:

I *think* it was a Loops and Threads yarn (I didn't keep the ballband), it's a slightly varigated gray-green with a little blue. 

It's a very simple pattern but effective in the chenille. You can see the snake is large; the original one in the pattern was small enough to easily wind around a wrist.

This snake is a lot bigger. (It varies how much a toy "scales up" as you change the weight of the yarn; this is almost the biggest change a person can make, going from dk to super bulky).

The tongue is out of a worsted weight - just scraps of red I had. And the eyes are either 12 or 15 mm lock washer eyes (I forget what I had but it worked. 

I named the snake "Noodle" because, well, he's noodle shaped, and a lot of people joke about "danger noodles" (though in truth, MOST North American snakes are not dangerous at all, and are in fact real garden allies because they either eat bugs you might not want around, or they eat rodents. I've often said I'd welcome a black rat snake if it wanted to come into my yard to live. 

As long as I know for sure it's non-venomous (we do have a couple venomous species you have to watch out for), I'm happy to share space with snakes - oh, I don't try to pick them up unless I have to move them to a safer spot (as I've sometimes done with rough earth snakes when I'm gardening), because I don't want to disturb them. I've seen rough green snakes occasionally, which are pretty little snakes and are very easily identifiable out in the field (they are the only species I know that is that vivid green). They're also supposed to be pretty docile, but as I said - I don't want to risk harming the snake so I don't try to pick them up, I just observe them. (Black rat snakes usually boogie out of the area when they feel you coming - snakes can't really hear but they can sense vibrations, and that's another reason for using a walking stick in the field, most venomous snakes will take off if they feel vibrations on the ground)

switched to socks

 I needed something smaller, where I could see actual progress on it, tonight. So I pulled out the "Roadside Attraction" socks (pattern by Star Athena, pattern is on Ravelry)

I'm about half way through the cuff on the first sock

This is yarn that was kind of an impulse purchase for the colorway name, but I like how it's knitting up. I thought the yarn would look different; here it is in the skein:

The bright colors are less noticeable in the knit-up swatch. The brown is a lot more prominent, but I could tell that when I wound off the yarn:

The color name is "Griswold Family Christmas Tree" - referring to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I presume it's referencing the tree that (I think it was) Uncle Louis burned up with his cigar (because the tree was so dry), and that's the brown.  It's actually a prettier yarn than the reference makes it seem.

(There's also another, um, "brown" reference from that movie; the "[It] was full" line with the goofy cousin dumping his RV's sewage tank into the storm sewer. There was actually a pretty funny local car dealer at (in Peoria - when I was up visiting my mom) where they re-created a cleaned up version of that scene, with "Clark" and his wife looking out at "Cousin Eddy" who was......charging up the electric cars on the lot. "Lot's full!" he exclaimed happily. It was actually a pretty good recreation of the bit. Most local car dealer ads can be pretty rancid, so the fact that this one was GOOD and made me laugh the first couple times I saw it was kind of nice)

Tuesday evening things

 * I added a few more rounds this evening to the ongoing Moon Moth sweater. It feels like I knit more slowly now, even when I devote time to it (I never have more than about an hour and a half or two in the evenings, though). I really want to get to the colorwork part; that will feel like progress

* I finished reading "Death of an Author" (ECR Lorac) last night, even if it meant I stayed up later than I intended. It was quite good for these "golden era" mystery novels; but Lorac (which is a pseudonym for Edith Caroline Rivett) is one of the better writers of these; I've read several of hers. In this one she....perhaps twits some of her critics a bit, both with the "no, a woman couldn't write this" bit (when it was thought the young woman secretary was *actually* the mystery writer in the novel) and also "oh yes, many authors have multiple pen names, they use one for mysteries, another for romances, and yet another for belles-lettres" (Lorac herself wrote in several genres and used different pseudonyms).

It was a well plotted out story and I didn't QUITE guess what was up with it until the very end, though the pieces slowly did fall into place (=Lorac "played fair" by the old rules of mystery-writing)

*I admit I feel a little....maybe, bad? that I read so much of these rather than more "serious" or "literary" books, and I do get that they're more an entertainment than anything. I did start (re-start, I stalled on it a while back) "Braiding Sweetgrass" which is essays by a woman who is both an ecologist and Native American (a member of the Potawatomi tribe). I do want to read more scholarly things.

* I am on Day 2 of doing about 30 minutes of reading at the end of the day before I can go home. I may not do it tomorrow; I'd either have to go BACK to my office after class on central campus all day, or bring the book with me (another thing to carry) and also find a quiet place to sit and read. I think every other day of the week I can do it; I end up in my office either because of office hours or because two of the three labs I teach are in the building.

* Had my first "real" nonmajors lab today. I'll see how they did when the TA gets them graded but they  seemed to do....pretty well? And they were certainly friendly to me in class. My memories of that class are that people were very resentful and resistant to being there because it was a "required" class (and there were several years where the department chair pressed the administration to downweight the scores on that class' evaluations because of the resentment factor). But maybe I got lucky with this class, or students have changed. 

* Tomorrow is my longest day, then Thursday is my easiest (I'm done at noon; last week I used that day to do a necessary run to Sherman for Target and Ulta, and also a side trip to the yarn shop). This week I'll probably do grocery shopping in town, but probably on Thursday afternoon. (I'm still trying to figure out what day the wal mart is best stocked,, for the things I have to get there - Saturday morning the shelves are pretty bare)

Welp.

 I did not use my weekend profitably. I guess I did a little housekeeping on Saturday and I had Zoom knitting and did some knitting, but I also mostly hung out online and today was a not good day because of Reasons. I have decided I have to let myself remain a bit ignorant about the sausage that's rapidly being made because a few of the eo's I saw were somewhat upsetting (hopefully there is pushback, or things that can't actually be done) and so I'm gonna have to avoid the news for my own mental health because I have no power to change or fix anything (which is deeply upsetting to me; I can't make anything better for anyone, so why do I even exist?)

I'm trying to remember what I said roughly eight years ago, "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," meaning I keep doing what good I think I can do even if it seems futile. 

I did pull out the Moon Moth pullover and added a few rounds to it, but it's such slow going - I still have fifteen rounds before I even start the colorwork. And it was hard to find anything to watch on tv, so much of it was stuff I did not want to see or think about. I find it's increasingly hard for me to stay in a chair and work on "optional" things - I can get the stuff on a deadline done, but when it's something just for me, it's hard. I do think the past few years have done something to my brain and I don't like it. (And right now, I'm not going to even consider the ADHD assessment or anything, I don't think anything good can come of that, at least in the near future)

I have to remember tomorrow afternoon to grab the stuff I need for Wednesday's lab, so I have it. That's another thing: teaching in different buildings require a level of organization and remembering that's more than I normally have to do, and it's tiring - there's no running down the hall (or, in lab  - popping in to the prep room attached to the lab) to get a forgotten thing, you either have to have it, be able to do without it, or waste 10-15 minutes of class going back to get it. 

 

Some Friday things

 * I got to thinking about how many I need to do more research/scholarly reading, and thought of the idea of what used to be called SSR ("Sustained Silent Reading," which went by other names, but that was what my school called it). This was a feature of primary grades, I remember it even from first grade, where I guess most of the kids knew how to read. You could get a book out of the classroom library or bring one from home or bring a library book you had checked out. 

I likely won't stick with it - I know I haven't stuck with other "get more reading done" plans in the past, especially as things get busy and I have evening meetings. But I did it today.

* The rooms seem slightly better. On Wednesday, an early-arriving student helped me rearrange the tables into a better configuration of rows, and they stayed like that, so it's possible only folks from Biology are using this room, or at least the other people teaching in it don't insist on moving the tables back. I mean, I won't be TOO surprised to walk in some day and see them all shoved back into the squares, but at least for now that's easier. 

And I got the computer lab reserved for my ecology labs that need it. Things are harder when it's not your own building and you feel like you have to ask permission really nicely for everything (in my building, if you need the computer room, you just check with the secretary to be sure no one else reserved it first)

* I ran to Sherman/Dension yesterday afternoon. I needed some things only the Target has, and some things from Ulta. It wasn't ideal, going after teaching (and after trying to build the little metal table for our drying oven that goes in my "new" lab space) but at least I got those things, and got in one trip to the little yarn shop. (Given all the talk of tariffs, and how companies are going to line up for "consideration" to avoid them, and how I suspect the various suppliers of craft supplies will be left out, I am bracing for yarn to become largely unaffordable to me. I hope I'm wrong. But also, I see now JoAnn's has declared bankruptcy AGAIN and I find myself wondering if everything I value and use here is going to go away, and I'm a little sad)

*These past few years have been a LOT to process. I know I'm still carrying - if it's not too precious to use this word - trauma from the pandemic in 2020 and every headline I hear about H5N1 or the potential erosion of our public-health structure has me worried. I know I really internalized in 2020 that "no one really cares very much about you" because I had very few people checking up on me - there were folks I knew that I literally did not hear from for a year and a half - and when I tried to get in touch with a few folks locally (through texts, mainly) I got brushed off and yeah, I know a lot of people were going through the same difficult things I was, but....it would have helped for someone to have texted back. So I really do figure when bad things happen, I'm on my own to figure it out and survive it, and I don't like that, but I'm also afraid now of being brushed off or rejected if I reach out. 

* And yeah, I heard about Georgia no longer selling eggs or poultry products and maybe I comb through my vintage cookbooks for WWII era cakes to be made without eggs, if eggs become hard to find or prohibitively expensive. I remember I made that "wacky cake" (which has no eggs, milk, or butter in it - which also means it's vegan) a couple times in 2020, when things like eggs and sometimes even milk were in short supply. But again, it feels like so many small privations and unpleasantnesses, and there feel like there's not really any compensation for them, and it's hard not to wonder if things will ever be better, or if this is just the start of a long downward spiral.....

Yes, I'm probably overtired and should just go to bed.

Another finished thing

 Back in early November, when I was down at the yarn shop one weekend, I saw a skein of dk yarn I really liked - it's one of the Dream in Color yarns; I think the colorway was called Time Away. I found a simple fingerless mitt pattern (it was one designed where you could insert a colorwork pattern - and I guess I get free access to those patterns since I bought the pattern). I just wanted simple mitts but this one worked because it took the right amount of yarn (it wasn't inexpensive yarn and I didn't want to need to buy two skeins)

I finished them over break

It's a clever design: you knit them in the round up to the point where you want the opening for the thumb, and then you knit back and forth for a while ("knit flat") and then rejoin in the round after the thumb hole is done.

it leaves like a little "keyhole" for your thumb:

Even though they're designed for colorwork, they work for plain yarn. I think a person could also insert some textured patterns (like knit/purl patterns) in it, and they might even be loose enough to support a small cable up the back, but if you wanted to do a lot of cables, or a really large (wide) cable, you might need to add stitches (and you'd have to adjust how you worked it during the knit-flat part)

They're also nice and warm - a heavier yarn and no lacy openings to let the wind in

the current socks

 I finished the first of the Gusto ombre-yarn socks. I decided to start the second one from the opposite end of the color progression - the first sock I knit from the outside of the yarn cake. I realized after finishing the sock it would be hard to get the second one *just exactly* at the same point (it's not like with a regular striping yarn, where you can do your starting stitch at the point where one color changes to another) and sometimes "a little bit off" looks a lot worse than "lots off" so I decided to start from the center of the ball on the second ball. So now I'm working with colors that "didn't make" it into the first sock, because it doesn't take 100% of a ball:

I expect the colors will "meet up" (like the old problem of the eastbound train and the westbound train and where they pass each other) somewhere around the heel.

and some books

 I bought a couple books over break.The biggest and most expensive one was a Muppets amigurumi book:

(This is a photo I took at my mom's house of the things I was sending back to me, in case they got lost or damaged in the mail). 

In the Muppets book, there are many of the familiar ones - Kermit, and Piggy, and Fozzie, and Gonzo and Camilla, and Animal, and even some ones like the Snowths (from Mahna Mahna). And Sam the Eagle.

One thing I like is that they suggest the yarns, and they are common yarns you can find at places like Michael's or JoAnn's. Another thing that tickles me is that unlike a lot of these types of books, this one is "official" (in the sense that the author actually works for Muppet Studios, and it has their blessing). 

I haven't started either the one on  the lady pirate, or the Raymond Carver book of short stories 

I HAD finished "Cry the Beloved Country," so I sent it back to myself. I said early on in the reading of it "this will probably make me sad" and yes, there were points where it was sad - a lot of painful things happen to Stephen Kumalo, the protagonist - he is (IIRC) of Zulu heritage, and is a minister. He and his wife live in the country; their grown son went to Johannesburg and got himself in trouble (and was condemned to die for it). And Kumalo travels to Jo'burg to both find his son, his sister. He finds his sister, she has a son. He invites her to move back with him and his wife, but she does a runner (he does sort of adopt the young son). 

He also finds his son (Absalom, and having been raised in Sunday school and seeing that name, I knew it would end sadly for him) and also the young woman (not much more than a girl) who is going to have his son's child.

In the end - his son is lost, his sister is lost, but he adopts his son's girlfriend and his nephew and bring them back to the country. 

There's also a parallel in Jarvis, the white farmer (an Anglo person, not an Afrikaaner) who loses HIS son - and whose wife dies in the book.

So a lot of sad things happen. At one point Kumalo contemplates moving from his long-time posting, feeling that the shame of what his son did, and perhaps the secondary shame of his sister abandoning her child, might make the people think less of him. But there's a very touching scene where he comes back from Johannesburg and EVERYONE is so excited and happy to see him again. And in the end, he decides to stay - and sees improvements in the place where he lives, and mentors a young man who comes to work in the town.

One of the things that struck me - of course Paton was a Christian and considered faith a lot in the book. And I think that's partly why, although sad things happened, there's still a sense of hope.

And there's a passage that struck me especially, and I went and got the book to look it back up:

"I have never thought that a Christian would be free of suffering, umfundisi*. For our Lord suffered. And I come to believe that he suffered, not to save us from suffering, but to teach us how to bear suffering. For he knew there is no life without suffering...."

(*umfundisi is "parson" or "preacher" - it's a respectful term for a man of the cloth, and most people in the book refer to Kumalo by this term). 

The idea that life will not be free of suffering. Yes, that's true. But that it also can be borne. Though some times it is very hard.  

At any rate: an excellent book, you feel you learn (a little bit) about the South Africa of the time** and you also get a bit of meditation on hope and suffering.

(**I have had students from South Africa; the one I know best is a Black African, he never mentioned his tribal affiliation, but I also, years ago, had an Anglo South African)

I'm currently reading a more lightweight book - ECR Lorac's "Death of an Author" which is actually an interesting and well-written mystery, where part of the mystery is the identity of an author who wrote very popular mysteries - was he the man supposed to have written them, or was that man a figurehead and the young woman who was his secretary actually the writer? And was the body found the missing (male) author? It's doubly interesting because the book's author (Lorac) was a woman, and she sometimes seems to have taken some grief for "but this doesn't 'sound like' how a woman would write" and I get the sense she wrote this novel to twit some of her critics. (I've read other of Lorac's mysteries; of these Golden Age British mysteries they are some of the better ones, both in terms of writing and complexity of plot)

First day done

 I survived the first day of being "in exile" when my building is being worked on. (Update: no construction crews have shown up as of yet, and there's no ETA, so I presume we were all chivvied to get everything moved for no reason)

The room where I teach two of my three lectures is miserable. It's too small for the class sizes, the person who ordinarily uses it (someone in English or Modern Languages) has it set with the tables arranged in squares ("seminar formation"). I had to get help from my first class to arrange them in rows but if they're back in squares on Wednesday maybe I just pull them a little to separate them, and have people sit on both sides where they can see the screen? I do NOT have the energy and it's not fair to the students to expect to move them every time.

I didn't put them back and I half expect to get an angry e-mail about having moved them, and I absolutely won't move them back - two of the three days I'm in that room I have a 1 pm lab (after getting done with lecture at noon) and moving the tables back mean I won't be prepared for lab/won't have time to eat the lunch I brought and I'm sorry, I am NOT doing that.

I may just say "screw it" and go and lecture over Zoom, even though both I and the students hate it

2025 is going to be a terrible year; I can sense it already.

I don't know. I'm tired and sad and I hurt (lots more walking today, nowhere for me to sit down in my new room, have to go up and down multiple stairs). I almost "bonked out" (low blood sugar) at the end of my second lecture. 

Ah well, 45 more days of this (M, W, F for 16 weeks except for Martin Luther King Jr. day and Good Friday). Maybe I figure out something like an "advent calendar" where I can count down and periodically get a treat for not breaking down in tears or yelling at someone about how bad the circumstances are. 

I also have CWF tonight so in a moment I have to get my stuff together for that. I'm doing the lesson so I can't skip it....

it was "trifficult"

 The biggest project I made over break what the crocheted Bluey. This was from "Chiliphilly" on the official Bluey ABC (Australian Broadcasting) website.

They warn it's a complicated pattern - yes, they used Bingo's portmanteau word "trifficult" (tricky+difficult) from the Favorite Thing episode. Also, there was one small omission for the snout on the .pdf of the pattern, but those lines were there on the html formatted pattern. (I had a printout of the .pdf but wound up having to look up the original on my phone when I hit a point where I didn't know how to proceed, because the instructions for about five rows were missing on the .pdf)

I didn't have the IDEAL colors; the main body is a bit greyer blue than it should be, and c3 (the pale blue) kind of doesn't blend well. But it's hard with US big-box stores; as it was I had to mix several brands of yarn that were of slightly different weights despite all them being labeled worsted/aran. 

In the end, also, I did the eyes of felt applique, since I had black and white felt, because at that point I was getting tired of crocheting and also wasn't sure I could make the "slip stitch them on and then slip stitch around them" to look good, so I just kind of freehand cut until things looked right and then appliqued them on.

She's not very big, but is a good size - maybe about 9" tall?

Also, you are kind of mosaic crocheting the color changes in, and that's fiddly to do and HARD to get right. The belly is a little off center and I admit were I designing the pattern I might have done the belly as a separate "patch" that you then applique on. 

Still, I think it was a good time to do the project - it took me the better part of a week to finish in around other things, and I had had the yarn since late summer. I wound up leaving the partial balls of leftovers up at my mom's to save room coming home in my suitcase

She has little fingers which are fairly cleverly made. Again, I'd recommend that this is a pattern best for really expert crocheters, ideally folks who've done that mosaic/intarsia style crochet before. I had not and I found it frustrating and I didn't get it right everywhere (fortunately the "center strip" of her nose is almost covered by the snout, and at least the place where it was off-center the worst was covered.)

Back home again

 So my train ticket turned out to be for like one of the two days the Texas Eagle was able to run; it was cancelled on the previous Saturday and Sunday because of the ice and snow in Missouri (I think everyone thought the ice storm was going to be worse than it was; at least the local-to-my-mom weather reporting seemed to think it was going to be bad. But the trains got back running Monday. And I'm glad I didn't panic and call to change my reservation for today or Friday because now WE'RE getting lots of snow and cold temperatures and apparently they cancelled the Texas Eagle for both today and tomorrow. 

So I got back on the one good day. The Kroger was kind of a nightmare but I managed to get food, nothing was TOTALLY out of stock (at least not the things I was buying, maybe frozen pizzas were gone), it was just really crowded and took a long time to get through the checkout. 

Now, today, we've had snow. Not as much as anticipated, and it seems like the lower layer, at least on my porch, was already melting. We're supposed to get more tomorrow, campus closed, so I didn't try to go into my office (the roads look very slick, and on cold days it tends to be cold in my office anyway)

But it wasn't the 9" they predicted

Use the right hand scale - that's my sock ruler. It's barely 2 1/2".

But anyway.

Once I was reasonably sure I'd get back as scheduled (and therefore didn't need to deal with a bunch of logistical issues), the last days of break were fine. 

I did only finish a few things. This is the first one - part of my Christmas present to my mom, so she has them now:

A pair of socks in West Yorkshire Spinner's "British birds" sockyarn; the color is called Kingfisher. I'm pleased with how well the two matched; even when you try often the patterning on the second sock is slightly off from the first.

I think she liked them. 

Anyway, the last day or two of break was spent getting ready to come back here: doing laundry, figuring out how to repack my luggage with the Christmas presents I received (mostly clothes:  a dress and a skirt and a pair of casual trousers and some new pajamas) and picking out things to send back (a couple of the older turtlenecks, and a box of books that I had bought/had finished reading while I was up there). 

And you know, the old sort of loneliness (not QUITE that, but similar - maybe incipient homesickness? Even though I only lived in Illinois, really, for not-quite 10 years, and I've lived here longer - 25 years - than I have anywhere) settled over me again - break was over, work would start up again, it would be back to making my own food (and having to DECIDE what to eat instead of my mom suggesting something and me agreeing to it), and dealing with bills and other people and meetings and everything. 

And also, yeah, I miss my mom's town. I have good memories of there; graduate school was in many ways the happiest time of my life and while much of the town has changed (Babbitt's bookstore is gone, the little "nature" store that used to sell small animal toys and birdfeeders and the like is gone, much of uptown has gentrified in a way that prices out many students and probably also many professors from the restaurants and shops), still, parts of it are still the same. The post office - it's not appreciably changed in maybe 30 years, and I think that was where I felt the nostalgia the strongest. 

My mom and I also talked, as we drove around town about things that were gone now - Bergner's, which is where a lot of my clothes came from, is long gone. (I think Kohl's and Von Maur are the only true department store type places left). The Golden West, a small steakhouse that was the sole survivor of a sixties-era chain, is gone - that one, especially hurts because it was a reasonably-priced restaurant but really quite good food (most things were made in-house, and they got good cuts of meat)

There have been new things that are good. I drank many bubble teas from Fusion Brew, which is a small shop I really like - everyone there is friendly, and the various drinks I've had have been good, and it just has a pleasant vibe. 

And I will say the small Jewel supermarket where my mom shops (less than a mile from here house) has a good selection, they have a better selection of things than any supermarket I have in town, at any rate. 

But anyway, all breaks have to end. So Tuesday my mom drove me down to the station and even though I told her to get home again before it got very dark out (she's had cataract surgery and doesn't like driving at night), she still stuck around until 4:30 or so when the train pulled out:

 And now I'm back here. Christmas is put away for another year, I've got clean sheets I COULD put on the bed this evening, I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow (campus is still closed; we're supposed to get more snow overnight).